I vividly remember the first time a boy ever called me a “slut.”
I was on the playground in third grade, and I had no idea what the word meant. However, I knew it was meant to hurt me.
I got a vague definition from my mom, which confused me even more:
I had never even kissed a boy… how could I be a slut?
This would be the first time my gender and sexuality would be used as a weapon against me.
Hi, I’m Sydney Leathers–I’m a pornstar, though many people know me as the woman who was outed for sexting a former congressman.
3 SEXY PORNSTARS REVEAL: “D**k Size Doesn’t Matter During Sex… But THIS Does!”
A lot of people have made assumptions about who I am and the way I live my life. And the truth is, many of these assumptions are wrong.
So today, I want to set a few things straight about what really happened with that sexting scandal, and how it helped to transform me into the woman I am today.
How It All Began…
Flash forward to my early 20’s… I was living on my own, working dead-end jobs to pay the bills, and utterly confused about what I wanted for my future and how to get there.
I didn’t really have the type of family to point me in the right direction. I was meant to figure it all out on my own.
And then someone came into my life with a proposition:
A childhood boyfriend’s father (when I was in 6th grade, the boy had been my first kiss) hooked me up with a job.
He had always been extremely encouraging and supportive of me–something that was lacking in the home I grew up in.
He made me feel like I was special, and he made me feel as if I was much smarter and more talented than my peers. This is something I’m still grateful for, and something I still believe and have clung to in my darker times.
He always saw something in me that I knew was there but was unsure if anyone else could see. He made me feel like a brilliant writer, which was secretly something I had always wanted more than anything.
What Does It Really Mean to Be A “Sex Worker”?
Eventually, even though this man had gotten me a legitimate job, he started helping me pay my bills.
In return, we’d exchange some sexually explicit text messages. I eventually graduated to sending him nude photos to keep his interest in me alive & to keep my bills paid.
I made him think we might actually sleep together, though this was something that left me feeling very hesitant.
Sure, I was the kind of girl who was comfortable sending nude photos for money. But was I the kind of girl who was comfortable having sex for money?
I considered this man my first real sugar daddy–my introduction to sex work.
But we never did the deed.
He was sent to federal prison for white collar crimes before anything could actually happen.
However, I still feel like I owe him something, beyond just sex.
Some people might think he took advantage of me, or vice versa. But I would argue that this arrangement was beyond beneficial to me:
It opened me up to the idea of using my sexuality for my own benefit.
It made me realize that the hang-ups I thought I had when it came to sex for money were all societal and had very little to do with my own feelings on the matter.
Projections of what “that kind of girl” was from society, the media, friends and family… those were the things holding me back.
My actual thoughts and feelings on the matter were far more progressive.
It Doesn’t End There…
So in a sense, I owe a thank you to my first sugar daddy for helping me see my full potential as a wh*re.
That word may seem negative to some people, but I now proudly describe myself that way.
Contrary to what the little boy on the playground said, I am a wh*re, not a slut. And yes, there is a difference.
Wh*res get paid. Wh*res are clever like that.
And no: this doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy what I was doing unless I was getting paid. It just means that getting paid makes it all the more enjoyable.
So after my first sugar daddy was sent away, I realized I could do this.
I made a profile on a sugar daddy dating site and started meeting men right away. I lived for the thrill of meeting someone new.
Even better than that was the rush of excitement I’d get when I was on my way to meet with one of my very generous regulars.
At the time, even though I was very clearly selling sex, I didn’t think of myself as a “sex worker.”
I referred to myself solely as a sugar baby, as if that somehow made me different from a street prostitute.
I thought because I was meeting these men through a sugar daddy site instead of on a street corner, I was somehow different. And I thought that because I was making huge amounts of money, it just couldn’t be the same thing.
My Huge Secret That Led to a National Sex Scandal…
I was delusional. On top of that, I was also living a lie:
I had maybe 3 friends with whom I was honest about my lifestyle.
Of course, I didn’t tell my family. I was terrified of the reactions of people around me, so I kept it all to myself.
Every time I had an amazing evening full of orgasms and cash, I wanted to gush to someone about how wonderful my life was…
But I couldn’t. I kept it all inside and lived a very lonely existence as a result.
That was my only major complaint about this point in my life–the isolation that comes with keeping a huge secret.
During this time, I also began sexting with a former congressman.
This just added to the layers of excitement and secrecy in my life. I was drowning in my secrets.
I had also recently been diagnosed with PTSD, and I was heavily overmedicated by my doctor at the time.
(This isn’t an excuse for my behavior, it’s simply a fact.)
My life revolved around having sex for money, taking pills, and keeping these secrets.
It sounds much darker in writing than it felt.
At the time, I felt blissful and free, excited by the weirdness of my life. And slightly disappointed I had no one to tell.
What Happened When the Secret Got Out?
Then things started to get extra complicated:
The former congressman I had been sexting decided to run for mayor of NYC.
He was on the cover of People magazine claiming he had been “cured” of his sexting problem, during the exact time he had been sexting me daily.
I guess the combination of hypocrisy and benzos got to me, because the next thing I know, I sent a tip to a gossip site about our sexting relationship.
This is the part where a lot of people would tell you they wish they could go back and do things differently… but I can’t let myself live in that headspace.
I just have to accept what happened and move forward the best that I can.
Obviously, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I was naive enough to think I could do something like this and remain anonymous.
Who would care who I was?
I was just some sugar baby in her early 20’s in Indiana. Who would need to know that?
Well, apparently Buzzfeed thought my identity was newsworthy. (Which is funny, since they have since chosen NOT to out other sexting partners of his? I still don’t get why I had to be the exception.)
It all happened very fast:
A stranger on Facebook sent me a link to the Buzzfeed article, telling me I was about to become, “very famous.”
I felt like vomiting. I thought seriously about killing myself.
The article pulled photos from my personal Facebook and used my birth name in its entirety. I knew I was f****d.
My entire life went up in flames. I lost friends and family.
And as bad as all of this sounds, it eventually helped me transition into something better.
Why I Agreed to Do Porn (And Have Zero Regrets About It)
It didn’t take long for another site to find my sugar daddy dating site profile and run a huge headline labeling me a “prostitute.”
Again, this was not something I had been considering myself. It was a slap in the face. A huge wake-up call.
During this insane time, I got an offer to do my first pornographic film–a huge feature for Vivid.
This may sound funny to you, but at first, I was totally against it. Yes, I had been a sex worker already, but I was so deep in the closet I wasn’t even really self-identifying yet.
I was concerned I would lose even more friends and family if I went through with it.
And then it hit me:
I’m already a wh*re. And I don’t feel bad about it. So why would I prevent myself from taking this opportunity?
At this time in my life, everyone was already thinking the worst of me. They know I was sexting a married man and that I had been a sex worker.
I didn’t think my reputation could be impacted too much by having sex on camera, considering everything else that had just been publicly exposed about me.
So I did it. And I have no regrets.
Where Am I Now?
I went on to star in more porn films, and I even began webcamming from home for fans.
It was different than the type of sex work I was used to, but I enjoyed it.
I learned a lot about loving my body and even more about consent from my time in porn.
I think many people would expect the industry to be exploitative, but I felt like I was the one doing the exploiting.
The truth is, I had long been comfortable making money with my body–I just needed to come to terms with everyone knowing about it.
And I’m glad that I did. Understanding my role in sex work and being open about it has helped me to shield myself from the criticisms of others who could never truly understand.
Even in writing this, I find it hard to stress enough how much joy I’ve found in sex work.
In some ways it’s ingrained into my identity; it’s part of who I am now.
And as brutal as it was being outed as a sex worker, it actually helped me to come to terms with who I am.
If a boy called me a slut on the playground today, I’d smile and happily tell him, “No, sweetie, I’m a wh*re.”
But that’s just my personal story–of course, not all women are like this.
However, a lot more women are getting into sexting these days… not just sugar babies or sex workers either. Real women–the women you probably run into every single day.
Which brings me to my next point:
The Easiest Way to Get a Girl to Sext You…
When I’m texting you, and you want me to send you something *naughty* lol… there are a few ways you can get me to do it… without having to spend a dime. 😉
The truth is, all you have to do is make me feel a little turned on ;-)… and “in the mood”… I’ll be sending you naughty pictures in no time…
But I get it… how do you make me feel “turned on” and “in the mood” over text… especially if we’re having just like a “regular” conversation?
To be honest, a lot of guys ask me this question… and at first, I wasn’t so sure how to answer…
…though when I scrolled back through my texts… and looked at all the conversations that ended in NSFW pics & sexts… I realized there were 3 things these guys did that made me want to take all my clothes off and bust out my phone camera… 😉
Here’s what they are:
[Note: This post was updated by Gotham Club on September 29, 2019.]
Published at Sun, 14 Nov 2021 06:00:00 -0800