<p>Well, there a number of reasons but he’s not contacting you to torture you. So what gives and how can you get to the real story?</p>
<h4>He Broke My Heart and Still Contacts Me: My Client Jo</h4>
<p>My coaching client, Jo, kept getting texts and emails from her ex. She was frustrated, angry and relieved all at the same time. “The nerve of the guy”, she said. He broke my heart and still contacts me? My relationship advice to Jo was simple. Give him some more contact but do not make it too easy for him.</p>
<p>For example, in the first few interactions with her ex, I suggested to Jo that she challenge him by asking if he had any further thoughts about the breakdown in their relationship. He wanted to see her, so she just scheduled a half-hour coffee date and made sure that afterward she had other plans. I warned her to not wind up impulsively sleeping with him again when he hadn’t demonstrated much transformation. This booty call is the kiss of death of any future together. But to her credit, Jo pulled it off perfectly and later I’ll share with you what happened.</p>
<h4>He Broke My Heart and Still Contacts Me: The Guiding Principle</h4>
<p>Here’s the guiding principle: In order to have more and more contact with you, your ex has to show that he is sincere. Words are cheap. More important, watch for his follow-through on actions he promises you. To help you determine whether you should continue seeing your ex, study if the separation has helped your guy achieve a breakthrough in his commitment to you. Has his acting out stopped? Finally, have his doubts about you and the relationship changed for the better?</p>
<h4>He Broke My Heart and Still Contacts Me: Look for Five Signs of Change in Your Ex</h4>
<p>Look at the list below and see if he shows at least 3 of these signs, ranging from modest improvements in behavior to deep transformations.</p>
<p>1. He shows you that he’s worried or upset (this is realistic if he really cares for you!).<br>2. You wind up having deep, open, and honest conversations with each other about your relationship, what was missing in it, and where you’d like to take it in the future.<br>3. He realizes what he did wrong and is sincerely apologetic (not defensive).<br>4. Wants to make things up to you.<br>5. Suddenly saying all the things you used to say about the relationship being great.</p>
<h4>He Broke My Heart and Still Contacts Me: The Hack for Getting Back</h4>
<p>If he demonstrates three or more of these signs and does want to get back with you, make sure you are having serious conversations about your future. Also, determine what it’s going to take to get your relationship to a deeper level. I recommend couples counseling or Love Mentoring with one of my <a href=”https://lovein90days.com/dating-coach”>expert relationship coaches</a>. Remember Jo? Her ex showed 3 of these key signs and followed through with a few more thoughtful gestures that really touched her heart. With the help of her relationship coach, Jo took a firm stance about what she needed from her ex. And within 12 months they were happily married.</p>
<p>If you or a dear friend are wondering, “He broke my heart and still contacts me”, you can get in touch with me today to get a personal gift from me to you. I’ll personally select one of our gifted dating coaches to help you handle your unique challenges with your ex boyfriend. And get THE relationship that is just right for you. This is time-limited, so <a href=”https://lovein90days.com/dating-coach”>Click Here</a> now to be matched for free and get your Complimentary Breakthrough Session by phone or Skype. It can change your life.</p>
<p>Now we have this question from a reader: <em>Dr. Diana my ex, he broke my heart and still contacts me? Is he still interested?</em> See what I have to say on the video below.</p>
<p><iframe loading=”lazy” src=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/mktz-ju-E-w” width=”600″ height=”370″ frameborder=”0″>[embedded content]</iframe></p>
<h4>How to Make Yourself Pop Online: Your Photo is Everything</h4>
<p>Men are visual creatures. When they scan women’s profiles online, they sort based on photos. So you want to learn exactly how to make yourself pop online.</p>
<p>According to Match.com, men are fourteen times more likely to look at a profile that has a photo. They can’t help it—this visual scanning behavior is based in their biology. When men look at the faces of beautiful women, the part of the brain associated with dopamine, the all-too-powerful falling-in-love chemical of love actually increases in activity.</p>
<p>Men consciously and unconsciously choose beauty because it gives them a better chance at healthy reproduction. Beautiful women are often healthier women with the right amount of estrogen. I know this may offend you, but you can’t fight biology.</p>
<p>You can make it work in your favor, however. First and foremost, you must put time and energy into getting your best photo for your profile. You want a great head shot of you, with no one else in the photo.</p>
<p>If you’re thinking, I’m not exactly Angelina Jolie—there go my chances, think about all those makeovers you’ve seen in magazines and on TV shows. Everyone is beautiful but it takes a team. You have to find your signature look: the hair, makeup, and clothing that make you pop online. Find some professionals who know how to make you pop online. And after you read this blog, be sure to enjoy the brief video on how to make yourself pop online.</p>
<h4>How to Make Yourself Pop Online: Creating Your Look</h4>
<p>Optimize your hair and get your makeup done or do it yourself so that you look and feel your best. Most men like soft, longish, touchable hair and makeup that is not too obvious or overdone. Splurge on getting an updated haircut from a trendy salon. Get your makeup done for free at a high-end department store. (You don’t need to buy their high-priced products—duplicate the colors with drugstore brands if your budget is tight.) Make sure you are surprised and happy about how good you look.</p>
<p>No matter whether you have A cups or DD—buy or find a flattering top that has a scoop neckline. You want to show skin up there, although not too much. And wear RED. Remember, if you want to know how to make yourself pop online, men love women in red. You want to look beautiful, with a touch of sexiness, as men like a hint of sexuality in a serious partner. However, avoid looking slutty.</p>
<h4>How to Make Yourself Pop Online: Taking the Photo</h4>
<p>Have a friend who is a fabulous photographer take over a hundred head shots of you to find one that is so good it surprises you. Make sure you take at least one hundred; although it sounds like a lot, the whole process will get you over the hump of holding back or being shy on camera. You can also have your photo done by a professional photographer who knows how to interact playfully and help his or her subject to be real. If you take this route, make sure your photo looks casual.</p>
<p>If you are having trouble loosening up, deliberately take some “bad” photos where you are overly serious or silly. This technique, that professional models use to warm up for a shoot, will get you into play mode and guarantee that you pop online.</p>
<h4>How to Make Yourself Pop Online: Make your Photo Warm and Inviting</h4>
<p>As you look into the camera think about your love intention, something like I give myself a warm, loving life partner. Or imagine that a man you really love is giving you the biggest compliment! Think about whatever brings a twinkle to your eyes and gives you a real smile. Men rate women who make eye contact and smile in photos as more beautiful. For example, on an app, a smile increases your chances of being right-swiped by 14%. Finally, try heightening the contrast to make yourself pop online.</p>
<p>Take a second or third picture that shows you in your element—whether that is at the top of a mountain or with your beloved pooches. Again, do not include photos with others.<br>Take some full-body shots that are flattering to your figure. Experimentally add the best one to your profile to see how that affects your responses.</p>
<h4>How to Make Yourself Pop Online: I Will Write Your Online Profile</h4>
<p>There are many other online dating tips that will produce top-quality guys for over 40s women! If you really want to fast forward to your online dating success and learn all the simple secrets that have helped many over 40s find the One quickly, then I have great news for you. My expert Love Mentors will teach you these easy-to-use strategies and help you develop photos, screen names and profiles that will make you stand out. And it’s included in my <a href=”https://lovein90days.com/dating-coach”>dating coaching package</a>. Better yet, if you like, <strong>I will personally review your online presence at no extra cost</strong>. Now enjoy the brief video on how to make yourself pop online.</p>
<p><iframe loading=”lazy” title=”Online Dating Tips – Make Yourself Pop Online” width=”500″ height=”281″ src=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/S3KqfXSu2uI?feature=oembed” frameborder=”0″ allow=”accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture” allowfullscreen>[embedded content]</iframe></p>
<h4>How to Handle a Hot and Cold Guy</h4>
<p>Perhaps you feel you met your soulmate. Yet he disappears soon after. Has he met someone else? Why is he running hot and cold? Why is he ghosting me? You wonder, Is it me? Is it him? In this episode of ask Dr. Diana, a reader asks this very question: “How to Handle a hot and cold guy?” Check out the video below but first let’s explore the mind of a hot and cold guy.</p>
<h4>How to Handle a Hot and Cold Guy: Understanding His Fears</h4>
<p>Fortunately, I’ve worked for over 35 years as a psychologist, clinical supervisor of therapists, and as a Love Mentor® and I’ve heard just about every issue hot and cold guys have! I’ve logged thousands of hours in the trenches listening to these men as they’ve completely opened up and explored their deepest issues, problems, needs and fears. Those private moments have given me a unique window into understanding hot and cold guys’ fears about maturity, commitment, forming a couple or creating a family. If you want to learn more about dating games that hot and cold guys play pick up a copy of <a href=”https://www.amazon.com/Love-90-Days-Essential-Finding/dp/1546084894/ref=dp_ob_title_bk”><em>Love in 90 Days</em></a>.</p>
<p>The good news is that they, like us, for the most part want true love, even a soul mate. Down deep they realize that they’d be happier, more content and more sexually fulfilled. Only if they were in a good relationship. The bad news: They are also scared. So that they often push real intimacy or commitment away. These men equate dating with fun, sex and feeling good. Unfortunately, they also equate <strong>commitment</strong> with heavy responsibilities, a sexless life, and a boring existence. They see a life filled with endless chores like taking out the garbage, being a chauffeur and changing diapers.</p>
<h4>How to Handle a Hot and Cold Guy: The Fear of Annihilation</h4>
<p>In fact, many men fear that they will lose themselves in an all-consuming relationship. Because they will lose their individuality and identity. In this drama, they envision leading a dreadful life of providing, providing and more providing. Ending in a quiet heart attack in the suburbs. They also fear that they simply cannot handle a woman’s emotional baggage. Or that they are not equipped to make a woman happy. These fears play out in a variety of ways that lead to his becoming a hot and cold guy.</p>
<p>That’s why dating and learning how to handle a hot and cold guy can be so confusing and frustrating. So if you are stuck with handling a hot and cold guy or someone who keeps running away, remember to sign up for a <a href=”https://lovein90days.com/dating-coach”>free dating coaching session with one of my experts</a> right on this page. It may change your life.</p>
<p><iframe loading=”lazy” title=”How To Handle A Hot-And-Cold Guy” src=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/JwI_hOmR1iE?feature=oembed” width=”500″ height=”281″ frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen=”allowfullscreen”><span data-mce-type=”bookmark” style=”display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;” class=”mce_SELRES_start”></span></iframe></p>
<p>In this episode of Ask Dr. Diana, I answer an email from a 38-year old with this very question, “Why can’t I find a lasting relationship?” She says, she’s tried everything. I prescribe a powerful intervention for this frustrated gal.</p>
<p>Check out the short vid below.</p>
<h4>Why Can’t I Find a Lasting Relationship? Ask Your Closest Friends, Family and Even Your Last Ex</h4>
<p>Go to your best friends, family and even your ex. Ask them for constructive feedback on how you come across. Your attitudes. Your behavior. And your personality. What would they like to see you change in yourself? It takes guts to do this. But remember, no guts, no glory. Did your ex tell you that at times you were arrogant, judgmental or always needing to be right? Are you picky, picky, picky when it comes to your suitors or even friends? What other feedback did they give you? Tell them that finding a lasting relationship is so important to you that you’re willing to hear it all, the good, bad and everything in between.</p>
<h4>Why Can’t I Find a Lasting Relationship? The Not-Perfect-I’ll-Pass Dating Pattern</h4>
<p> One of our coaching clients, Jana, was sick of being lonely, single and alone. She asked her closest family and friend to give her feedback about what she was doing to undermine her own chances at love. What she discovered is that she had what we call the Not-Perfect-I’ll-Pass dead-end dating pattern. This meant that she tended to sit on her high horse, judging each match’s physical qualities or behavioral traits. This guy was too paunchy, too bald, too old, too young, or even too good looking; that one had hands that are just too small. Other deal breakers Jana had included that the man had bad taste in music, a cheesy sense of humor, was boring or was too predictable. Jana’s closest friends said she was an amazing woman but she was just too picky! </p>
<p>Jana’s coach pointed out that her negative judgments were usually based on superficial traits. Her coach didn’t stop there. <em>You tell yourself it’s because you’re not willing to settle.</em> But guess what? These complaints have nothing to do with the qualities that make for a partner who can provide lasting love and happiness for you. Study after study has shown that the most important variables leading to happy relationships and marriages are a guy’s (and your) character virtues, especially empathy, concern for others, and willingness to grow.</p>
<h4>Why Can’t I Find a Lasting Relationship? Projection</h4>
<p>Jana was deeply curious about her pattern of not being willing to settle. She realized that she unconsciously projected her own feelings of inadequacy onto each guy she met. Once she stopped doing this, Jana met an amazing man who was truly crazy about her and willing to grow. She saw that he was not perfect, but that he could grow into an almost perfect match for her. Thanks to her <a href=”https://lovein90days.com/dating-coach”>relationship coaching</a>, Jana’s pickiness disappeared and now she’s happily married and expecting her first child.</p>
<h4>Why Can’t I Find a Lasting Relationship? At Times, You’re Picky and Contemptuous</h4>
<p>Research shows that contempt kills off the possibility of love<strong>. </strong>In fact, if you’re like Jana, instead of being nitpicking and acting out of repulsion, it is important that you change your perception. Yes, you change! Notice what is really at the guy’s core in terms of his values and character. If you don’t, your judgmental beliefs and the attitudes associated with them set up a whole host of negative vibes. Trust me most great men who are looking for a long-term relationship don’t want that. <a href=”https://lovein90days.com/what-men-really-want-in-a-love-relationship/”>What they really want is warmth</a>.</p>
<p>In fact, you could have already thrown away perfectly great guys, any one of whom would have brought you happiness.</p>
<p>So, here’s my challenge to you. Next time, when you ask: why can’t I find a lasting relationship, commit to giving the guys who express an interest in you a real chance. For example, if you find yourself thinking, <em>I’m not willing to settle</em>. And then getting turned off by something small. Try a better way. Focus instead on <a href=”https://lovein90days.com/spark-chemistry-good-man/”>something you like about the guy</a>. Especially if he is willing to grow as a person. If you spark chemistry with him, he could be a better and better match for you over time.</p>
<h4>Why Can’t I Find a Lasting Relationship? Other Dead-End Dating Patterns</h4>
<p>There are also other dead-end dating patterns that have to do with feeling like you are not good enough in one way or another. Or that you are too shy, too demanding or don’t really listen to your partner. In fact, it is crucial to be brave and face your own self-sabotaging behaviors. So, if you are single and sick of being alone, and you want help in understanding how to have a <a href=”https://lovein90days.com/dating-coach”>breakthrough to love</a>, definitely have a gift session with one of my amazing coaches. We have helped 10s of thousands of people just like you, in a way that no other dating coach does. </p>
<p>And remember, watch the video below for more answers to why can’t I find a lasting relationship?</p>
<p><iframe loading=”lazy” src=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/2ljtmACsafY” width=”600″ height=”370″ frameborder=”0″>[embedded content]</iframe></p>
<h4>Does Mr. Right Exist? Of Course!</h4>
<p>Are you wondering does Mr. Right Exist? Yes, but first let’s look at how you judge men against that ideal. By your feelings right? But are those the deeper feelings or what you’ve been conditioned to believe? Therefore, what feels right isn’t necessarily right. In fact, what is most familiar to you may not be ideal for you or even compatible with you in the long run.</p>
<p>So here are three hacks to help you overcome your conditioning, biases, what your family/friends think etc. to enable you to find Mr. right.</p>
<h4><strong>Does Mr. Right Exist? Hack #1 Date against type.</strong></h4>
<p>Even if you’re not exactly blown away by a person at the first date, remember to stay open. <a href=”https://lovein90days.com/finding-the-one-dating-program-three”>If he is into you, meets the basics and seems open to growing, go for at least a second or third date.</a> You cannot know what secret goodies are hidden in someone just by meeting them once. You have to let a potential partner unfold and show you his different sides. If there is any connection with this person at all, give it another chance. Even if you feel there is no chemistry. <a href=”https://lovein90days.com/spark-chemistry-good-man”>Chemistry can grow and happen in a heartbeat</a>.</p>
<p>Remember, you’re breaking your Dead-End Dating Patterns. You’re attracted to the types of guys who were not right for you. On the other hand, love almost always comes in a surprise package; most people do not end up with the kind of person they imagine for themselves. The woman who dates starving artists marries a rich, balding lawyer.</p>
<p>One of my clients, Jen, was insanely mad with a hot George Clooney look-alike. Of course, that went nowhere because he was a player. She often asked me: Does Mr. Right exist for me? Through<a href=”https://lovein90days.com/dating-coach”> coaching and hard work</a>, she later created a gem of a marriage. With a short plain guy who was her champion and a healing force of nature in her life. And who became her Mr. Right.</p>
<h4>Does Mr. Right Exist? Hack #2 Step outside your comfort zone.</h4>
<p>And when you step outside your comfort zone, exciting things can happen.</p>
<p>Often when you’re used to unavailable guys and blazing chemistry, dating a guy who is great partner material may feel like you just landed on a foreign planet. That’s where everyone speaks a language you don’t know. So you may find yourself analyzing him and the relationship to death. For example, you’re thinking he’s not (fill in the blank with a physical attribute, such as, thin, young, handsome, etc) ENOUGH. You may say he is too nice or boring. Or you may be concerned he likes you too much. And you may feel scared. But Please let all that go and sit with it. Keep reminding yourself that what was familiar was only bringing you heartbreak.</p>
<h4>Does Mr. Right Exist? Hack#3 Focus on how YOU FEEL when you’re with the guy.</h4>
<p><a href=”https://lovein90days.com/4-things-that-happen-when-you-find-the-right-one”>When you’re dating the Right One, you’ll feel free to be yourself</a>. You’ll feel secure and happy. Not the way you’re supposed to feel but how you actually feel inside.</p>
<p>So the takeaway is: Does Mr. Right Exist? Yes, by dating against type and you might just find the right one.</p>
<p>Now watch this short vid answering a reader’s question: Does Mr. Right Exist?</p>
<p><iframe loading=”lazy” title=”Advice: Does Mr. Right Exist?” width=”500″ height=”281″ src=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/DaIRDwGt-bM?start=62&feature=oembed” frameborder=”0″ allow=”accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture” allowfullscreen>[embedded content]</iframe></p>
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