You were just something to do. I vividly remember my first time hearing the phrase. I got pregnant by a man who I thought was my boyfriend at the time. He was not happy about the pregnancy and not ready for another kid. He quickly suggested that I have an abortion. I was twenty-eight and felt like I was old enough and ready. I also had never been pregnant before. I lied and told him I would go through with it. After a couple of weeks of stalling, he caught on to me and concluded that I would not abort the baby.
A couple more weeks went by of me trying to act like I wasn’t pregnant to please him and him trying to deal with it before he eventually lifted. On my six-month check-up, the doctors could not find a heartbeat, and later it was determined I had lost the baby due to a compression in the umbilical cord. The whole thing caused me to spiral into depression. It was also hard trying to handle everything without the father. Feeling incredibly down and lonely, one day, I decided to visit my sister. She and my nephew’s father shared a place. While drinking with him, I thought as a man in a relationship; he could give insight as to if my baby’s father would ever come back. His answer was, “ You were just something to do.” Not being the answer that I was looking for, I immediately shrugged it off as bad advice. When I recovered and got back into the dating pool, the phrase would rear its ugly head again, this time with a clearer meaning and understanding. I would coin it a `”Something to Do Ship.”
Beware of the “Something to do Ship.” For the person involved that’s trying to have a relationship, it’s the start of something new and hopeful. For the other person involved they know you’re not who they want to be with. They keep you around to pass the time and to squeeze money, sex, or other benefits out of you until they find the person who they really want to be with.
After getting back into the dating pool, my standards were a little higher, but my understanding was not much better. Determined to get back into a relationship and get pregnant again, but this time by a guy who already had children and his life somewhat together. It turns out this type of bachelor is notoriously known for “Something to do Ships.”
I was eating lunch with some of my male co-workers and overheard one talking about finding a chick to hook up with for the weekend. He said he needed to pick which girl would be “best for the job.” I asked what his explanation of “best for the job” was. His answer opened my eyes to things I was doing myself. Since he was feeling lazy and low on cash, it would be someone who had their own vehicle and money. This way, he didn’t have to spend money on gas to get her and maybe even convince her to bring drinks and something to eat. Afterward, she could drive herself home, and the entire time he didn’t have to spend a dime or lift a finger. Sounds like a fool, right? Well, say hello to the fool. At that time, I was dealing with a guy who was doing these same things thinking eventually it would lead to us becoming a couple. In fact, in past relationships, I would do these things for months, and it would always end with them meeting someone else and committing to them in a way less time frame when we were together. I wanted a relationship so bad I was ignoring all the signs!
After hearing my coworkers’ conversation it dawned on me. I was just “something to do.” Think about it, even if you don’t have feelings for someone yet they do all these things for you when they come around. You wouldn’t necessarily stop them from coming, but instead, keep them around until you find someone. Most men hate being alone; this way, they can have their cake and eat it too. In the case of my baby’s father, it wasn’t the things I was doing, but him having someone to do. Looking back, there were always clear signs of him not being over his daughter’s mother. He was noticeably saddened by their breakup and talked about it often. I was basically his something to do until they got back together or his special person came along. For him, getting pregnant would not only jeopardize his getting back together with his kids’ mother but possibly put a damper on him being able to move on when he eventually found the person he really wanted to be with. I don’t even want to imagine how many “Something to do Ship” babies are born every day, doomed from the start.
I also looked back on a time I was so excited about what I thought was a valentines date. You see, “the something to do girl“ like the side chick rarely gets invited out on holidays. On this particular holiday, I was called over to a person’s house. When I got there, I discovered his car had broken down, and as my coworker, he was also low on cash. I let him borrow a few bucks, and we went to the liquor store. He went in and came back out with champagne and one of those single roses they put out on valentine’s day right next to the cash register. All paid for by yours truly. Of course, I was in heaven, but in reality, I was the “something to do girl“ for a guy that had nothing to do on that particular holiday. He would also move on quickly with someone else. I finally came to grips with my sister’s boyfriend’s advice and the many “something to do ships” I had gotten into even after.
I quickly stopped being the girl that was bringing the entire party to the guy’s house. I stopped getting asked out as much and eventually got ghosted. I also stopped sticking around hopelessly waiting on something to become of these “ Something to do ships.” A person knows exactly what they want quickly. It doesn’t take months of cooking and cleaning, and playing wifey. So with all this said, I will end this article by saying that when you see the signs discussed and told by someone like I was early on that, you are just “ something to do,” believe it and quickly move on. There is someone out there waiting to make you their special person and not just their ‘Something to do ship”.
My name is Chetera Miller I’m a 44-year-old single mom. Currently, my son and I reside in Oak Park, IL. My dream was to become a writer as a child. On summer vacation I recently linked up with a friend who writes and asked about how she got her start. She told me about guest blogging and here I am. Trying things out. I have lots of stories to tell so let’s get the party started. I’m grateful for the opportunity!
Published at Thu, 16 Sep 2021 07:54:00 -0700