Women don’t want a good boy. We want a good man.
There are a few distinctive qualities that determine whether a man will be placed into the friend-zone or be given the opportunity to date a woman.
When I think of “nice guy” I think of traits such as empathy and compassion (positive traits). But I also think of the “nice guy” as passive, compliant and possibly even someone who lacks boundaries. These not necessarily negative traits, but they are associated with being weak, easily influenced and pushed around.
What women seek in a partner:
Women seek stability and security within a partner. That means women are consciously and subconsciously gauging men to see how stable and secure they are on various levels.
When a guy makes a woman the center of his world, or rather, the main source of his happiness, this puts A LOT of pressure on a woman and inevitably repels us. We want to know you are good with or without us. This is the confidence women are attracted to during *especially* the early stages of dating.
The nice guy paradox explained:
Passiveness, compliance and a lack of boundaries are needy and sometimes weak energy. The energy that a ‘nice guy’ brings into an interaction or partnership is repelling because it makes us women feel like you NEED us in order to be happy. So much so that the ‘nice guy’ is dependent on the woman. We don’t want you to depend on us. We want to know that we can depend on you.
Confidence (stability) and self-reliance (security) in a male partner is extremely intriguing and attractive. We want you to want us, not need us.
Albeit circumstantial, the moment we see/think/feel that a guy is putting us on a pedestal *especially early on*, we will reject him because consciously/ subconsciously we doubt his self-confidence, stability and security.
How to avoid being the nice guy:
Have strong boundaries
Speak up when someone has disrespected you/ your boundaries (if the confrontation is warranted)
Have your own hobbies and passions (things you would never stop doing because they bring you genuine happiness)
Be willing to walk away from someone who does not see your value
Confidence is KEY. It’s magnetic and extremely attractive.