Do you need a simple hack to quickly turn your relationship around? Are things going south in your marriage right now? Are you feeling stuck, sad and disappointed in your partner? Perhaps your love life is stale and boring. Or distant and angry. Or cold and sexless.
Have you been thinking about leaving altogether? But you really can’t face the idea of breaking up, being all alone, or disturbing your family life.
Well, there is a simple hack to quickly turn your relationship around! As the great psychologist, William James said:
“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”
The Power of Appreciation
So the simple hack to quickly turn your relationship around is the use of the most powerful strategy in relationships–Appreciation! In the practice of appreciation, the partner’s flaws are not the focus. Instead of grimacing about her husband’s workaholic ways and being grumpy about his paunch, a happy wife sees a man who is providing beautifully— in other words, a winner. Instead of zoning in on his wife’s moodiness and complaining about her not wanting enough sex, a happy husband sees a warm, funny minx that lights up his life.
In fact, this simple hack to quickly turn your relationship around is based on how healthy partners act. They consider each other through a glass half-full perspective rather than a half-empty one. In other words, they tend to appreciate each other’s positives rather than their negatives.
But What About Me?
So I know that right now you are NOT feeling too happy with your partner. Yet, whether you like it or not, research shows that gratitude is the royal road to happiness. Studies have shown that healthy couples practice appreciation, which leads to gratefulness. Because they’re focused on blessings, they enjoy their lives together much more than those who focus on what’s wrong. To use this simple hack to quickly turn your relationship around: Understand that when you are busy counting your misfortunes, it is next to impossible to make yourself or your partner happy.
I know, I know, YOU need to be appreciated, cherished, and loved up. You may be dealing with a partner who is clueless, mean, distant, or perhaps even acting like an a-hole right now. (Note: If you are dealing with physical abuse, or a violent partner, safety is your main concern. Please consult a trained professional, such as a therapist or counselor who specializes in abuse to help you ASAP.)
I know that you may feel resentful, rejected, lonely, disappointed, abandoned, or emotionally abused. You are TOTALLY RIGHT in feeling upset. I have definitely been there many times myself. So when you go in to find something to appreciate about your partner, it may be very difficult to see anything that is positive right now. I get it.
So what to do with the upset?
Here’s what: For your own sake I want you to set it aside for just a few minutes each day for this week. Let your resentment and upset go for a moment. Do this as a gift to yourself first and foremost.
Being self-righteous and angry is like pouring poison into your brain—you are the one who is suffering. Not your partner. So take a break from “being right” so that YOU can be happy. Just a few times a day.
First, to activate a simple hack to quickly turn your relationship around: Answer Key Questions to Harness the Super Magic of Appreciation and Gratitude:
- Which of your partner’s qualities did you fall in love with?
- What value does he or she bring to your life?
- Which is the most attractive or beautiful thing about your partner?
- What is something you used to be crazy about in your partner that you take for granted now?
- How have things improved? (Even if you feel like you might break up – there could be newfound appreciation.)
- How could your love and passion deepen and improve in the coming years?
- If your partner kept growing as a person, what would he or she be like in a year? Five years?
Second, to activate a simple hack to quickly turn your relationship around: Imagine What Loss Would Be Like
Imagine that your relationship falls apart and your partner is now married to someone else. The other person is enjoying all the perks of being with your Beloved. You have the cloak of invisibility and con watch as your partner wakes up with his or her new spouse, shares intimate moments, great meals, hot sex, and goes shopping for their new home.
- What would you be most envious or jealous of?
- What would tear your heart out?
Finally, to activate a simple hack to quickly turn your relationship around: Set Up Your Last Day for Living in a State of Love
- Imagine that tomorrow is the last day you will ever have with your partner.
- How will you greet your partner in the morning?
- How much time will you spend with him or her during the day?
- Do you want to make love?
- Would you like to spend time in nature or have a romantic meal together?
- How would you spend your last night?
To the extent possible, given the cooperation of your partner, follow through on your ideas and have a beautiful day of love.
Please use this simple hack to quickly turn your relationship around. Chances are you will be shocked at how love blossoms with your partner! But, if you need some help, definitely have a gift coaching session to help you turn things around in your love life. It can be done!
Here’s what one of our clients had to say:
“Things had gone stale with my boyfriend of two years. We were drifting apart and I started feeling alone and lonely most of the time. He was a good guy, but tended to be a workaholic. I started working with one of Dr. Diana’s coaches, who supported me in turning things around. After I changed my mindset to more appreciation on a one-day-at-a-time basis, things shifted so much. I started texting him notes about how great he was in bed and telling him how funny he was. He responded to me the same way! NOW, we’re laughing and having more fun than ever! And more sex! Last night he proposed to me and I accepted! I am so grateful to my coach. Over the moon, really!”
-Gina in LA