Thanks to COVID, and a massive increase in virtual dating and online dating activity, there’s never been a better time to leverage technology to find your high-quality guy.
The problem is, the habits you develop around technology can be equally harmful in turning off great guys, robbing you of your happiness, and making you feel more lonely and isolated, even though you’re more “connected” than ever.
In Episode 251 of The Dating Den, I dove into the history of technology concerning human experience and connection with authors Dr. Susan Matt and Dr. Luke Fernandez.
Today, we’re going to look at 3 ways to improve your use of technology so that you can have more confidence, feel more joy, and attract better guys everywhere you go!
Choose a Better Default Setting – The One You are Using Tells Guys You’re Unavailable
So many of us turn to social media when we’re bored or anxious. It’s like our “default setting” is pulling out the phone and scrolling. This may feel safe or comforting, but it’s a giant “I’m unavailable” sign to any guy who may be interested in you.
Keep in mind, men don’t like the feeling of rejection any more than you. If you’re head is buried in your phone, you’re making it that much harder for a guy to smile at you, approach you, or strike up a conversation. Instead of making that extra effort, most guys are going to move on.
With that in mind, practice breaking your “default setting” when you’re at home or at work. Instead of pulling out your phone, opt for a change in scenery, or writing in your journal, or listening to a favorite song.
Then, the next time you’re standing in line at Starbucks or waiting for a friend to meet you for a walk, it will be that much easier to keep your phone in your purse and be present to any genuine connections you can make that are all around you.
Turn Your FOMO to JOMO
Technology might have the potential to help loneliness, but does it? Take a second and think of how you define loneliness. Most of us think of words like “sad,” “bored,” “isolated.”
What if I told you, you could think of loneliness in a completely different light? When we’re single or at home on the weekend, it can feel lonely. It’s understandable, but it’s time to flip the script.
Loneliness might feel like FOMO (fear of missing out), but some people call it “JOMO” instead. I love this! Instead of fear (or stress, or anger, or sadness), find the joy! Feeling comfortable with alone time, and making the most of it, improves your relationship with yourself and others.
How, you might ask?
- Time alone lets you think through situations and emotions, finding comfort in yourself, and avoiding unnecessary conflict.
- Time alone helps you experience and feel the simple things in life. Take a walk and feel the sun on your face, or wind down on a Friday night instead of rushing out to party.
- Time alone helps your confidence. Practicing alone time helps you feel self-sufficient and independent.
- Time alone is a choice, not a last resort. Instead of dreading it and feeling bad, turn it to a positive.
And a note on the comparison game: While you feel alone, or worry about how the world views you for being alone on a weeknight or going solo to a wedding, remember there’s nothing wrong with you.
It takes practice to feel confident when alone. While others are dragged down by the worry of appearances on and off Instagram, you’re working on YOU. Keep on movin’. Not only will you feel so much better, but nothing is more attractive to a quality guy than someone who is full of comfortable in their own skin, confident, and full of joy.
Uncover the Lies
I’m not saying the internet isn’t a great way to connect and have fun, but it’s not the whole truth.
First of all, the photos you see posted by Sally down the street are a highlight reel of her life. You do not see the lost jobs, poor health, or low confidence.
I urge you to uncover the lies (or misconceptions) of the internet, and find comfort in knowing there are real humans, just like you behind the screens.
Practice compassion for yourself and for others and you can experience the positive aspects of social media, without being dragged down by the comparison game.
To Scroll, Or Not to Scroll?
You know yourself best. You’re in charge of how you spend your time and what you do on social media, but it’s worth taking a deeper look at.
- Am I using technology to escape?
- Do I depend on social media for validation?
- Do I struggle with comparison?
If you don’t develop positive habits with technology, it can steal your joy, make you feel lonelier than ever, and cause you to miss out on opportunities to connect with potentially great guys.
Alternatively, by building healthy habits with your technology, you can focus on the present moment and person in front of you. You’ll have more confidence, feel more joy, and attract better men.